Hi. Dah lama tak berjumpa dalam ni.
Kadang2 aku cuba nak hidup seperti orang lain. Just a normal human being. Nak ada girlfriend semua.
Tapi. Aku juga tahu aku bukan seperti org lain. My social conduct dgn org boleh kata teruk. I try to be someone else. It is because i dont know who my self.
Just got my vaccine lately. Again sorang sorang. Bak kata dalam hati aku kuat. Boleh je jalan hidup sorang2.
Sejak kebelakangan ini mememg life been hard on me but I took it positif.
Tp dengan duduk sorang2 raya haji ni. An i really miss my late mom. Suddenly its all hit me yesterday.
Seperti org lain aku nak je kan bila ambik vaksin bergambar kat tempat yg org selalu bergambar tu. Then it really hit me hard. How alone i am. Seeing everybody have someone to hold camera but not me.
All the past how alone i am just come and hit me hard.
I decided to take a sit and collect my self. But it became worst.
Thinking about how i used to came to that U alone without my family. How i used to be ignored and left behind by my friend. How everybody can succeed and yet i still lost.
My eyes start to teary and i start crying my heart out. ALONE. And ALONE. AGAIN and ALWAYS.
So i cry hard uncontrollable. I put on helmat to cover my crying face. And i thought were should i go. I need to fix this.
Maybe i could go to someone just to cry. I dont want to cry alone.
Maka aku terus pergi ke rumah dia. Dengan harapan dapat tumpang menangis.
Aku menangis dari tempat vaskin tu sampai depan rumah dia. But...
But....
Bila kau tengah dalam keadaan helpless no one could give a hand.
No one could give a shoulder for me to cry.
I just need someone.
When the tear dry out.
All it left was a harden heart.
Broken in to pieces.
Its just proved that...i am really ALONE.
My be i just get out off everybody life. And be alone till death take me.
I know with the condition like me i am not going to live long.
So sorry if i am couldn't be the best for everyone.
Mungkin dia memamg tak nak aku dalam hidup dia.
